6/22/09

Subway Scriptures Is Moving!!

Subway Scriptures is changing homes, and the new address is: subwayscriptures.wordpress.com

All new posts can be found there, with exciting new features and a brand-spanking new About SS section. Be sure to check it out and keep up on all the latest news and opinions on the sports world!

Don't forget to check out SS on Twitter, either. SS can be found @subwayscripture

by Curbside Critic

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5/20/09

Live Blog - Cavs vs. Magic Edition!

Welcome back to Subway Scriptures! The last time we did something like this, it was the NFC Championship game between the Cardinals and Eagles. Since that one was so much fun, we decided to do it again. Thanks for reading!
8:39 – Tipoff. The tip goes to Cleveland and immediately we get to see the LeBron show in action. It begins with an easy assist to Varejo. LeBron doesn’t seem to have any rust on him.
8:53 – Dwight Howard’s dunk just broke the shot clock and we have a short delay coming up. I actually wasn’t watching when it happened but came back during the delay and knew something was wrong. It took just one quick Google search to find out what had happened.
Which reminds me: for all the publicity and rah-rah that things like Twitter and Facebook get, isn’t Google the single most important aspect to the Internet since high-speed Internet became a household necessity? Finding anything is infinitely easier because of Google. It’s hard to remember what life was like before Google became the go-to search engine. Those were some dark days with search engines like AltaVista, Lycos, and Ask Jeeves (now just Ask) vying for market share. Oh what better days we live in now…
8:59 – LeBron’s: 18 – Magic: 6. Orlando’s bread and butter (3-point shooting) is not on tonight. If they can knock down from long range, Orlando has a legitimate shot at beating the Cavs, but if they can’t, they’re likely to be facing BIG blowouts wins by the Cavs. Howard isn’t a good enough scorer by himself to carry a team that can’t knock down shots.
9:01 – “Say you’re a college student…” I think Blackberry or Windows needs to make their own commercial that says, “Say you’re sick of Apple being all in your face with how sweet their phones are.” Don’t get me wrong – I love my iPhone. But I think Apple needs to lay off a little bit and show some modesty.
9:06 – At some point I’m going to be forced to step away from this live blog and do some homework. Yes, homework. I’m thinking I’ll do it at halftime…
9:07 – The camera just panned over to Stan Van Gundy pointing on the sidelines. He’s wearing a very unflattering gray turtleneck under his suit jacket. Remember when the NBA forced players to “dress properly” on the sidelines, and the NBA basically had to teach them how to do that since every other player had no idea? They should enroll Stan Van Gundy in that class. It should be titled, “How to look presentable despite being a body-double for one of the world’s most famous male porn-stars.”
9:08 – LeBron just got a ticky-tack foul called on him when he bumped into Anthony Johnson in the backcourt. Mark my words: There won’t be another call like that all series. (I might be exaggerating a little.)
9:11 – Last two Cavs possessions: Dunk by LeBron, then a transition 3-pointer by LeBron. If he can develop a consist shot from range, he is actually going to be unstoppable, and won’t even need the 4 ½ steps that the refs are giving him now.
9:14 – How many 3D-glasses do you think they put in the DVD case for My Bloody Valentine? I think it’s only one, because anyone who would buy that movie probably doesn’t have a single friend who wants to watch it with them.
9:17 – WNBA tips off June 6!!
9:18 – Watching Ben Wallace check into the game reminded me of Ron Artest for some reason. We all know Artest was involved in that turrrible brawl at the Palace back in 2004. But since then, there hasn’t been a single player in the league who has done more to turn around his image than Mr. Artest.
Playing with the Rockets this year. All Artest has done is play solid defense, give the team a swagger that neither Yao nor T-Mac could give them, and became one of the fan favorites in Houston. There was a time when seeing Artest run into the stands would scare David Stern half to tears, but this year we’ve seen Artest run into the stands and literally sit down and share popcorn with the fans. All the while keeping the best haircut in the league.
9:23 – Very excited for Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Call me a nerd or whatever you want. That game is going to be sweet.
9:24 – Some girl just walked by me wearing the exact same polo I was wearing. Now I can never wear this polo again.
9:36 – I’m willing to bet LeBron spent a lot of his free time this past week learning low post moves to use against Orlando. Also Varejo is down on the ground, convulsing like he’s going to throw up. Does it make me a bad person if I don’t care, and am a little glad to see this happening?
9:43 – LeBron’s last drive to the hole: a spin moved where he picked up his pivot food twice, then two more steps. Just saying.
10:22 – No one on Orlando seems like they want to stand out in tonight’s game. Howard has been playing sporadically all night. He has 24-ish points at this point, but he just got stuffed by LeBron on a dunk attempt and picked up a tech for yelling at the referee. Where is Turkoglu’s European-killer instinct?
10:25 – Follow me on Twitter as SubwayScripture @ http://twitter.com/subwayscripture. Please and thank you!
10:28 – That KFC grilled chicken bucket sounds about as healthy as the milk that sits in the fridge just a little bit too long, but you drink it anyways because even though it smells funny, it’d be wayyy too much work to go all the way to the store and get more milk.
10:34 – Magically (get it?) it’s a two-point game. The next play down the court LeBron drives and gets a foul called. We’re going to see many more whistles like that for LeBron heading into the 4th quarter. But will we see Dwight Howard step up and do something?
10:42 – End of the 4th. Orlando is down by 4. Can they steal game one in Cleveland? Remember that they beat Cleveland twice this year.
10:51 – Orlando takes the lead for the first time tonight! From 16 down! I said at the beginning of the night that if Orlando could hit their shots they would be a serious threat to these Cavs. They started hitting their shots and look where they are right now. Just under 10 minutes to go in Game 1.
10:52 – A miserable looking pass from Rashard Lewis actually was tipped by LeBron. This is followed by yet another stop-and-pop (missed) by Turkoglu. Sigh…
10:54 – Howard gets another alley-oop of a backdoor roll away from his defender. I don’t know why big men don’t guard against the backdoor more and leave the entry pass wide open. Unless Howard is within arm’s reach the hoop (admittedly that seems like 15 feet) he doesn’t have many post-up moves to help him get into his range. Easier said than done I guess. Orlando up by 1, 7 minutes left.
10:57 – Cleveland had two losses this year at home. One was against the Lakers, the other against Orlando. People will remember that the Orlando game was the last of the regular season, with home-court clinched and LeBron sitting. That being said, that win means more than people give it credit for. Winning is winning, and just like it’s so hard to break a losing mentality, believing that you can walk into the Q and win is an irreplaceable attitude. The best athletes are the way they are because they’ve learned how to win. Athletes with potential that never pan out often get that way because no one ever showed them how to win. Van Gundy is far from the first guy you want as an example of winning, but that game in Cleveland to end the regular season definitely helps this underdog Orlando team.
11:02 – Game tied at 90, 5 minutes to go. The “Let’s go Cavs” chant from the Cleveland crowed officially lasted just two more “Let’s go Cavs”’s after the PA announcer stopped.
11:04 – Turkoglu hits a deep 3. If I had to make an all-NBA ugly team, he would be on it and it would look something like this: PG – Sam Cassell, SG – Turkoglu, SF – Tayshaun Prince, PF – Joakim Noah, C – Pau Gasol.
11:06 – A few possessions later, Orlando is up by 1 with just under 3 minutes to go. I’m just waiting to see LeBron step up and be a closer. I think he can do it; it’s just a question of whether or not he will. Also, I guarantee the Magic don’t go to Howard in their final possessions. The ball’s going to Turkoglu or Lewis, no questions asked.
11:09 – In case anyone was wondering, I did my homework during the 3rd quarter. That’s what that break was from 9:43 and 10:22. Also, I was on the phone. It’s called multi-tasking.
11:10 – I wonder what a typical Mike Brown practice would be like. Would he just sit in his office and let LeBron do whatever he wants with his teammates/pawns? I would.
11:11 – When have you EVER seen LeBron tired or winded on the sidelines?! I’m telling you that those 8 days off were a big deal, even if LeBron won’t admit it.
11:12 – Is it just me or does Mo Williams look like he has a little Asian heritage in him? Also the announcers just mentioned how it’d be interesting to see if Howard got touches in the final possession. You’re welcome TNT announcers.
11:15 – Turkoglu (told you) just shot and made two free throws. Orlando by 4. LeBron’s a good facilitator and makes good passes, but now the ball needs to be in his hands. Winners want the ball at the end of games. I think that was from The Replacements.
11:17 – A Cavs bucket followed by a Magic miss followed by a DELONTE WEST 3!! The Buffalo Wild Wings down the street (I’m writing from Columbus, OH) might have literally just exploded. Cavs by 1.
11:20 – After an Orlando bucket, LeBron drives for the layup and hits the free throw to make it a 3-point play. Cavs by 2 with 25.6 left on the clock. But just as importantly, Dwight Howard just fouled out. Hate to say I told you so but…
11:22 – LEWIS HITS FROM DOWNTOWN!! Live by the three, die by the three. Right now, the Magic are 14-some seconds from winning (again) in Cleveland.
11:24 – What’s so special about “special edition” deodorant?
11:25 – West misses a three! Scramble for the rebound! JUMP BALL!! Can LeBron catch and shoot in one second?!!?!.........NO but my god it was close!
11:30 (Post-game) – Tonight ended Cleveland’s chances of sweeping through the Eastern conference. What stood out to me most was how LeBron refused to take over the game in the final minutes. Yes, part of what makes him so special is that when he drives, other players are open. But the final two shots, the two shots that could potentially win the game, were taken by players not named King James.
            Orlando did everything you would expect them to. They shot from three, they ran backdoor plays for Dwight Howard, and Howard was a non-factor down the stretch. That’s the Orlando Magic formula. When they’re hitting those deep balls, like the one Lewis hit that eventually became the game winner, that formula is pretty hard to stop. But it’s also pretty hard to count on in a seven-game series.
            Cleveland may have lost Game 1, but the hunger and fury inside of LeBron after this loss is going to be off the charts. Prediction? Game 2 will be a blowout by the Cavs, with LeBron having an astronomical game. But this will definitely be a series. 

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5/19/09

Blog... what blog?

And the Number 1 overall pick goes to…
…The LA Clippers, in fact. The lottery process was pretty disappointing this year with the first eight picks come up as all chalk. The Kings (best odds at winning the Blake Griffin lottery) fell three spots down to #4 overall, and the only interesting moment was when they revealed the last three teams were the Clippers, Memphis, and Oklahoma City.
            Seeing OKC get the first pick would’ve been like a perfect storm of things for (no pun intended) the Thunder. Their next year’s starting line up would have had a combination of Russell Westbrook (one of the brightest rookie point guards in the league), Kevin Durant (perhaps the best pure-scorer in the league), Jeff Green (a high-potential forward entering his second year), and Blake Griffin (the #1 overall pick who just won nearly every collegiate award possible last year).
            Instead, the pick goes to LA’s second team. The Clips had the #1 overall pick ten years ago in 1998, and used it (unfortunately) on Michael Olowokandi. The situation really sucks for Blake Griffin. Instead of going to a team that had a very real chance of a run at the title in 2 or 3 years, he goes to a Clippers team that has some of the worst management in all of sports.
What’s worse is that the Clippers really have that “losing atmosphere” that can destroy even the most talented players. Elton Brand knew it and he left town as soon as he could. Baron Davis signed with LAC this year and immediately realized he was in for the worst year of his life. There is so much pressure on Griffin’s shoulders to turn this team around quickly, or else he’ll be enveloped in the cloud of negative attitude the same way Mr. Eko was enveloped by the Black Smoke Monster.
Brett Favre?
            To no one’s surprise, Brett Favre wants back into the league. To my surprise at least, some team actually wants him. Teams need to realize that Favre is past his time and is really nota very good quarterback anymore.
Many people are quick to point out his imploding over the last few weeks, but many people don’t realize his how bad his performance in the first few weeks really was. Favre was throwing up the same lame ducks he was in week one as he was in week 17 – the only difference is that Favre got lucky a few times in the early part of the season and he didn’t get lucky towards the end. It’s not the kind of thing that would ever show up in the box score, but when you realize that Favre is about to turn 40, has a partially torn bicep and contemplating having surgery unfamiliar to him, and working with a new system, it all points to the same message: Avoid Brett Favre.
But we know the Vikings are desperate for a quarterback to help Adrian Peterson develop. And we know Brett Favre would love nothing more than to stick it to Aaron Rodgers and the Packers for their disrespectful behavior  (according to Favre) this past summer. I’m willing to bet that if the Vikings can beat the Packers next year, the reason won’t be Favre. ADP is a stud and the Packers defense is pretty poor. Favre doesn’t change that, no matter how many records he holds or games he has won in the past.
So about this Twitter business….
            Twitter has fulfilled its apparent destiny and really taken off in the last few months. But who is Twitter, a new, internet/mobile-based social networking site most popular with? It’s actually most popular among middle-aged/older people and celebrities, while it lacks support from the high school/college crowd that is so obsessed with Facebook and MySpace.
            The reason why? Twitter is just a dumbed-down version of Facebook: it allows you to update people on your status (a la Facebook status) without the creep/stalk potential that the real Facebook gives you. It allows older people, who may not be as computer-savvy as the younger generation, to stay connected without getting to complex or sharing too much information.
            Twitter’s also great because it lets you keep up with celebrities. There used to be a time when the only time you’d hear a celebrity or athlete speak is when they gave an interview, and even then you knew the answers were so scripted that you never get a feel for the athlete’s real personality.
Twitter changes all that. There is no middleman now between celebrities and fans. Celebs have full discretion over what they say and how they say it. There’s no fear of quotes being taken out of context or having to answer questions that they don’t want to.
My question is why companies feel they can somehow convert Twitter’s popularity into something positive for the company.  Every company seems to have a Twitter now, whether it’s appropriate for them to have one or not. Recently I interviewed for a travel agency to work in the Marketing department, and they told me one of my responsiblities would be maintaining the company’s Twitter account. Why would anyone need to know what this company was doing on an up-to-the-minute basis? That’s not it though. Hulu has a Twitter, Amazon.com has a Twitter. Monster.com has a Twitter. Does anyone know why? I sure don’t. Let’s leave the tweets to the celebs and athletes (aka people we care about).

MORE TO COME!!!

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3/18/09

The Official Subway Scriptures Bracket

Barack Obama, the busy man that he is, was nice enough to take time out recently to humor ESPN by filling out his own bracket for the NCAA tournament, and having the thought-process taped for Sportscenter. As busy as he is, Obama was unable (or unwilling) to fill out the first round of games and instead his a team of aides do it for him. Fortunately, Subway Scriptures is not nearly as busy as Mr. Obama, and was able to provide you with its own, expertly designed, tournament bracket. Feel free to ridicule, tease, and poke fun at some of the picks made, but only until you realize that it's 100% right.

by Curbside Critic

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3/12/09

The American-Made Pastime

Welcome back everyone. I was going to have a long excuse written up explaining why I haven’t been writing at all over the last five weeks. But I decided against it. Let’s just call it my winter hibernation. But it’s over now. So welcome back.
Since we last met, a lot of stuff has happened that’s worthy of writing about. Don’t believe me (or just not caught up)? Here’s a quick rundown of all the memorable events since February 3, 2009:
1.     Alex Rodriguez had has admitted to steroid use back during his days as a Texas Rangers. Clever sportswriters noticed that if you inserted an “I” into A-Rod, you get A-Roid.
2.     A 5’ 9” man dressed as kryptonite jumped over a 6’ 11” man dressed as Superman on national television. Despite the dunk contest being so obviously rigged, that moment was pretty cool.
3.     Manny finally agreed to return to LA, accepting a contract similar to the offer that his agent, Scott “Everything that’s wrong with pro sports” Boras, called a joke a few months ago.
4.     The major indexes across the stock market have plummeted to decade-lows. But in the last few days they have made a nice (but small) rebound.
5.     Tiger Woods returned to the PGA Tour. He didn’t win anything, but there were enough glimpses of the old Tiger that you know he’ll be back to his true form soon enough.
6.     Rick Reilly returned to form too. With articles like this and this . Maybe he read what I wrote about him?
7.     Quest Crew .
8.     The Buffalo Bills made the front page of ESPN.com for the signing of Terrell Owens. According to the Elias Sports Bureau, this is the team’s first ever appearance on the front page of ESPN.com.
9.     The 2nd World Baseball Classic began.
Pay close attention to number nine. Also, pay no attention to the many, many things that I forgot to mention in that list. This is the second go-around for the World Baseball Classic (or as the cool kids are calling it, the WBC). The first time around, the Japanese had their way with the rest of the world and stood atop the baseball world (Japanese citizens, with their renewed sense of accomplishment, have since shamed themselves greatly. Especially this guy).
            Perhaps more importantly, the US team finished a dismal eighth. Japan, Cuba, South Korea, the Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, Mexico, and Venezuela all finished ahead of the US. American’s everywhere should be ashamed of that performance. To get beat at the game this country invented, and by teams like Venezuela (has Venezuela done anything better than American before?) was a huge eye opener. You might expect Japan, the DR, and Puerto Rico to do well and maybe even beat the US, but coming in eighth was appalling.
            I’m sure you’ve heard the story since then. The American’s didn’t take it seriously in ’06, but now they’re back to win it. They treated it more as a beauty pageant three years ago, with everyone lobbying for playing time to show off, but now the US is ready to play like a team.
            No one knows at this point if they really are better than they were in 2006. The US team has already locked up a spot in the next stage of pool play, but they did the same thing the last time around. They have just as much talent this year, if not more, but talent was never their problem. The real problem facing the US team was their lack of intensity.
            The American team consists entirely of players from major league teams, many of which have been All-Stars, World Series champions, or a marquee free agent at one point during their career. The DR is widely considered the next most talented team in the tournament, with big names like David Ortiz, Jose Reyes, and the immortal Pedro Martinez.
            But then you have teams that have nearly no major leaguers; teams like the Netherlands, or Korea, or Cuba. And yet these teams that consist of nobodies, are able to come into world’s most talented baseball tournament and take over like Barack Obama took over every black person’s dreams the night before his inauguration. So how is this possible? The answer is intensity.
            Everyone who plays in this tournament knows that each game is really a glorified exhibition game, and that nothing is really at stake. But the same can be said about any baseball or international tournament. Sure, the Olympics give you medals, and there’s a big trophy with your name on it if you win the World Series, but the real reward for winning each of these is the intrinsic value behind the trophy. An Olympic gold medal is renowned worldwide and winning one symbolizes that you’re the best at what you do. The same goes for the World Series trophy. The team that wins it isn’t really the best team in the world, just the best of the 30 teams that participate.
            Players who participate in the WBC but are playing for big money contracts in the major leagues have to consider the risks that they take by playing in the WBC. Many times, players will opt out of the WBC because it puts their livelihood during the regular season at risk. When there’s millions of dollars on the line, it’s an easy to see why players might choose not to participate, or to just go through the motions during the tournament. You still show up, but maybe you don’t give it your all because, really, it is just an exhibition tournament. Makes sense, right?
            Now consider this: What if you’re not a major leaguer, and you don’t have a fat paycheck riding on your performance with another team in August and September. And what if this was the last serious baseball you’d see until next winter; instead of the first live action you’ve seen since last fall. And to top it off, what if you came from a country that didn’t have a rich baseball heritage. A country like, say… the Netherlands?
            It’s starting to make more and more sense why we see the assumed Goliaths  (the DR) of the tournament get knocked off by the so-called Davids (the Dutch) of the tournament. To the guys from lesser baseball countries, with no major league contract in sight, this tournament is all they have to play for. To them, this WBC is their once chance to showcase their stuff in front of millions of people and, though I’m sure they’d like to catch a scout’s eye here or there, it’s more a chance for them to bring some pride to their country. Since baseball was removed from the summer games, this is their Olympics.
            Gene Hackman has a line in The Replacements where he says to all the replacement players, “There is no tomorrow for you. That makes you very all very dangerous people.” Players from teams like Italy, the Netherlands, and Korea are all very dangerous people because there is no tomorrow for them. Once the WBC is over, it’s over for them. Sure they have there are leagues in other countries that play ball during the summer, but it doesn’t compare to MLB action or anything they’ve seen in this tournament. But for teams stacked with major leaguers, they still have plenty to look forward to, and worry about. They still have the chance to win a World Series title, or an All-Star spot, or a ridiculous long-term contract in which they’re sure to underperform in the later years of that contract. Why should any big leaguer bust their balls just to be able to say that he won a tournament that has a history dating back three whole years?
            It’s a bit surprising to see that the US not only wants to participate in the WBC, but also was one of the biggest players in getting the tournament off the ground. For them, there’s really no upside to the tournament. Sure, it helps to promote the game of baseball and that’s good for everyone, but it’s really a no-win situation for the US team. The US, which is expected to come out on top every time, can only meet but never exceed their expectations. If they win it all, ho hum it’s what was expected of them. If they lose, it’s a huge disappointment and the US looks bad, yet again, on an international stage.
It’d be like if LeBron James agreed to play in a 1-1 tournament with 20 random ballers from Rucker Park, and they’d call it the Rucker Park Classic. Even though it’s unlikely for him to lose, he’s allowing himself the opportunity to embarrass himself by losing to some scrub off the streets, and the guys from Rucker Park have nothing to lose because no one expects him to win. That’s what the WBC was for the US team back in 2006.
            So in 2006, the unthinkable happen. The US was embarrassed, on their own turf no less. 2009 is about redemption. Already we’ve seen a team that had 100-1 odds on winning the tournament beat and eliminate the team that had some of the best odds of winning the tournament. The US knows they’ll need to play real baseball to beat the other teams out there. They know they can’t lolligag around the outfield like it’s a spring training game in Ft. Lauderdale. The rest world has come to play, and every team wants to be able to come home and say they took down the world’s best.
            The WBC has a lot of things going against it. Major leaguers don’t really want to participate. The logistics are difficult and always seem to favor the US, which can upset other countries. There are the silly pitch count and mercy rule limitations. There are a lot of reasons not to like the tournament. But a funny thing happens when you finally start watching the games. You see guys out there busting their humps to make plays. Someone legs out an infield single. Someone else goes all out in center for a fly ball in the gap. A guy goes in hard and second to take out a runner. And then you realize. To at least some of these guys, this is real baseball. People really want to win this thing, even if it’s not the American’s who are the ones trying the hardest out there. Either way, here’s one guy who’s pulling for a kid named Juan Carlos Sulbaran to help pull of the best Cinderella story since George Mason.
            It’s good to be back.
            -Subway Scriptures    

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2/3/09

What's New in "The Life"

Leading up to Super Bowl Sunday, I was originally not planning to write an article on the big game. The Super Bowl already gets its fair share of attention, and I was expecting this game to be about the same as the last time the Steelers were in the Super Bowl. Heading into Sunday, Pittsburgh was definitely the better team; though not by the seven or so points that they were given in the spread. I never would have guessed after the first three quarters of play that we would be in for one of the most exciting fourth quarters in recent memory. Oh, and what a fourth quarter it was. But let’s keep things in perspective. It was just the fourth quarter that was exciting, while the rest of the game was very blasé. Yet the media can’t help but try and make the entire game look like it was worth the buildup.

As soon as the Cardinals took the lead in the fourth quarter, newspapers across the country were readying themselves to print one of two possible headlines. The headline would either read: “Cardinals Pull Off Upset in Greatest Super Bowl Ever!”  or “Steeler Nation Rejoices After Best Super Bowl Ever!” Don’t believe me? On Monday, Mike and Mike, PTI, and Around The Horn all debated if this was the best Super Bowl of all time. And those were just the shows on ESPN. Even Roger Goodell, not 20 minutes after Kurt Warner became the Kurt every Rams fan remembers him as and fumbled away the Cards last chance, proclaimed this Super Bowl better than last year’s. Really? You mean to tell me that last year’s Super Bowl, the same Super Bowl that saw the #5 seed Giants, who were 13-point underdogs and having barely made it into the playoffs, the same Giants that were one good Brett Favre throw from never making the Super Bowl in the first place, those Giants beating the Patriots, those same Patriots who were 18-0, knocking on the obnoxiously loud and frightening door-knocker of history, those same Pats who were a minute and change from taking away all purpose to Mercury Morris’ existence, in the same Super Bowl that saw David Tyree earn himself his own personalized catch animation in Madden 2009, you mean to tell me that this year’s Super Bowl was better than that one? This year’s Super Bowl, with the #2 seed Steelers beating the Arizona Cardinals who, until four weeks ago, were on the butt-end of every NFL joke’s punch line? C’mon Roger, that’s bush league for you to even put those two games in the same sentence.

But in fairness, Goodell wasn’t the only one making use of superlatives irresponsibly. Of the many offenders, Rick Reilly was certainly one of them. In his two-minute wrap up of the Steelers’ victory, Reilly has the rocks to utter the following statement: “…The right thing happened to history. The NFL now has its Yankees. Pittsburgh has won six Super Bowls, more than anyone in history!” I honestly think he put as much thought into that previous comment as the NBC execs did when they decided to sell-out the cast of Heroes with their rendition of “Feeling Alright”. The Steelers are the Yankees of the NFL? That’s quite a bold statement. Especially considering, out of 106 World Series trophies handed out, the Yankees own 26 of them and the next closest are the Cardinals with ten. That’s more than twice as many as the team who takes home the silver. By the comparison that Reilly makes, you’d think that the Steelers were pulling a Phelps (minus the bong) by blowing the competition out of the water with the number of Super Bowl rings they have. You know who has the next most Lombardi’s after the Steelers? Two teams, the 49ers and the Cowboys, both have five. Not quite the same hurting the Yankees have been putting on to the rest of the teams in the l900’s.

This type of journalistic free balling brings me to the main point of this article. Like I said, I’m not writing a Super Bowl article. No, this is an article about Rick Reilly and how far he’s come (or gone) in the last six months since signing with ESPN. For the record, I used to love Rick Reilly. His Life of Reilly column at the back of Sports Illustrated was always the first thing I turned to every Thursday when my copy got delivered in the mail. It was also the reason why I chose SI over ESPN the Mag year in and year out. But he doesn’t need to get his accolades from me. After a bit of Wikipedia research, I found out Reilly has won 11 Sportswriter of the Year awards and six of his columns were featured in the Best American Sports Writing series. But it’s because of all these accolades that make his current stuff so disappointing. Let’s have a look at what’s been happening more recently in The Life of Reilly.

Reilly’s last article was about an unlucky man who lost his job due to the recession then became a lucky Phillies fan when he ended up celebrating their World Series victory in the locker room. It’s a story that contains the type of inside information that you could only get if you were an established sportswriter and people didn’t blow off your interview requests. But nowhere in the article did Reilly elaborate on how an ordinary man could sneak himself into the Phillies locker room, other than with vague quotes from his friends saying things like, “He’s good at that stuff.” 

The article before that, Reilly wrote about tough it’d be for Larry Fitzgerald to keep his objectivity while reporting on this year’s Super Bowl, and how important it’d be for him to do so because he was such a long-tenured writer for the newspaper. Something important that Reilly decided to gloss over was the fact that the Minnesota Spokesman-Recorder, the newspaper to Papa Fitz writes for, is a newspaper no ones really heard of. All week people from Minnesota have been on the airwaves, saying how this was the first time they had ever heard of Fitzgerald’s newspaper. It probably would have been better for the newspaper’s subscription numbers if Fitzgerald just wrote, MY SON IS BETTER THAN YOUR SON!” over and over, instead of trying to remain objective.

But that’s not all. Reilly’s chronicle of “Beer Pong, the Next Great American Pastime” was a story that could have just as easily been written by any frat guy across the country, and he wouldn’t have to travel to Vegas for the World Series of BP. Real beer pong (or even real-er, Beirut) doesn’t happen in Vegas with 50K on the line, it happens in every college dorm on tables that are actually closet doors, where the only time money enters the equation is when you’re trying to decide who’s buying the cases and who’s buying the cups. Oh, and if you’ve ever seen the picture that’s at the top of this article, someone needs to teach that guy the elbow rule (and the “you-aren’t-allowed-to-straddle-the-table-while-taking-a-shot” rule while you’re at it). 

His Jan 7 article about why Utah should be the national champion only gave us one reason. One. And by the time his article came out, everyone and their Mormon uncle already knew that Utah was the nation’s only undefeated team left. It’s the type of argument you’d hear out of any radio phone-in junkie stuck in 5 minutes of traffic, or by a girl down the hall who just started watching college football because she “kind of likes that Tea-boo guy”. But it’s not the type of argument you would expect to hear out of a man who has as much hardware as Reilly does sitting on his shelves at home.

Those previously mentioned articles certainly aren’t the worst things I’ve ever read. They had a purpose, got a point across, and were at least slightly humorous. At least they weren’t preaching anything stupid or negative to the people reading them. Which is exactly why these last two articles really steam my beans. Reilly has a history of using emotional personal stories to drive his articles. In November, he wrote about Barry Scott, the ex-soldier, ex-policeman, and ex-living human being who died after losing a boxing match for charity. Reilly writes that throughout his whole life, Barry Scott never backed down from a challenge, which is how he found himself in Iraq, then as a cop, then in a boxing match against a guy who had 20 pounds on him. In the end, Scott never knew when enough was enough, and he died following that match, leaving behind his police unit, his wife, and his baby son. Through this article, Reilly is honoring a man who devoted his life to good, but at the same time he’s honoring a lifestyle where you go balls-deep into everything without considering the consequences. Scott didn’t consider the consequences of entering that ring, and despite it being for a good cause, there is no way that fight is worth the price that his family has to now pay in his absence.

Sportswriters everywhere love to draw attention to the toughness that has become synonymous with football. A true football player is supposed to fight through anything, literally anything, to make sure he makes it out there on game day. But often times we forget that it’s just a game, and outside of the game these players are people who still live lives outside of the game. Reilly certain muddies that line when he wrote his article in October about Trevor Wirke, the high school senior who cut off his pinky finger so he wouldn’t miss the his senior season. Cut it off, for about a dozen lousy football games. Was it dedication, or a brash misguided decision by someone who may not yet be old enough to buy a scratch ticket? The only thing worse than that decision was the fact that his parents let him go through with it. And then that Rick Reilly decides to glorify the deed with an article dedicated to it. Reilly undeniably shows reverence to this kid, and pays homage to the fact that he is now down one appendage. Is that what we should try and live up to? Cutting of this little piggy just to stand beneath the bright lights… of high school football?

Maybe I’m just picky. Maybe I expect too much out of a guy who I semi-idolized a few years ago. Pam from The Office said it pretty well when she was talking about her parents and how when she was younger she always thought that her parents were love-struck soul mates, until she got older and realized their love wasn’t really love. That’s how I feel about Rick Reilly right now. For the longest time, he was the gold standard for sports writing in my mind. He was the best of the best, and there was no way he could be writing a crappy, poorly structured column with a less than wholesome message. Eventually you realize that even Rick Reilly isn’t the perfect journalist, and that he doesn’t get carte blanche for making mistakes. I like to think that Rick Reilly has just resting on his laurels since the switch the ESPN. He’s bring home a lot more money for doing what he’s always done for SI, and he’s even getting himself the occasional face time, either on Sportscenter, or ESPN.com, or both. To be honest though, it’s not so much that I think he’s resting on his laurels, as much as I hope he is. At least then you can hold out hope that the good stuff will make its return, sometime in the future when he’s done rolling around in the lettuce ESPN delivered at his door. But if not, and this is really all Reilly’s got in the tank, then it may just be the end of an era. It’s possible though, that he just stubbed his finger a while back and has trouble typing now. If that were the case, the best advice is to lop that sucker off so he can get back to quality writing. Isn’t that right, Rick?

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1/18/09

If Joe Buck Can Do it...

My favorite day of the week is finally here! Unfortunately in a
few weeks, this day turns into my least favorite day of the week.
Why? Well, I love Sundays where football is being played for obvious
reasons but I can't stand all other Sundays. Why? Well for one, it
means the work week is only a day away, and for another, I'm
convinced that it rains more often on Sundays. I haven't been able to
prove it yet, but it has something to do with driving patterns,
prevailing winds, and acid rain. But we're here to talk about
football.

It's championship week, which some football purists prefer more
than Super Bowl because they say all the media glitz and glamour take
away from the game itself. So for those purists (and my own personal
interest) SS will do our own play-by-play of today's action, but only
the early game because we don't yet have a contract to cover CBS
games (and it'd be too much writing). But before we get to the
action, let's give you our prediction for today and a quick side
note.
The Arizona Cardinals come in as the four-seed that everyone wrote
off because of their poor late-season performances. Arizona got
outscored 116-42 over the last three weeks of the regular season, and
Kurt Warner looked every bit like the 37-year old he was, and not the
MVP candidate that he was earlier in the season. Then they beat
Atlanta, and soundly trumped Carolina, and still are getting no
respect. In fact, right after the NFC Championship matchup was
decided, one of ESPN.com's heavyweight writers wrote that the Eagles
were a lock for the Super Bowl. But the Cardinals deserve our
respect. Any team that can beat Carolina the way the Cardinals did
last week has a chance each week, and certainly shouldn't be written
off. Prediction: Cardinals by 3. It should be close, but Fitzgerald
will be too much for the Eagles to handle.

*Side Note: A sad and unfortunate side
effect of the playoffs happens when there are only a few teams still
playing games, like there is right now. Because there are so few
teams left, the majority of NFL fans are left unable to root for
their team, and what you end up with is every ho-hum fan pretending
like they care about one of the superstars left in the playoffs. I
can't tell you how many times I've heard some douche-bag say, “Kurt
Warner is my man!” or “Yeah Ed Reed! You're my boy!”. They say
this, when in fact all they know about this player is whatever piece
they did on him on Sportscenter, or the one likable off-field fact
that they said about him during last week's broadcast. Douche-bags.
Now to the game:
3:10 - Unfortunately I missed out on the pre-game hoopla
and the first few plays by Arizona. Roommates can be such a bother
sometimes. But with that aside, the Cardinals and Eagles are already
in progress. Edgerrin James just ripped off a nice 16-yard run. I
wouldn't be surprised if later we find out the whole playing time
fiasco that James was upset about was in fact a ploy put on by Ken
Whisenhunt to keep James fresh for the playoffs. Considering how
unexpected and surprising the Cardinals current run is, this doesn't
seem so farfetched.

3:14 – Warner to Fitzgerald over the middle for a
Cardinal touchdown. Quick starts usually don't mean much, but the
Cardinals just made moving the ball look very easy
against the Eagles.
3:26 – David Akers knocks down
a pretty routine field goal. Then during the break we see the
long-anticipated Manning-Williams brother-sister Oreo race. I bet the
Manning brothers are glad that they're both out of the playoffs. It
looks like they were able to take that time off and devote it to
practicing for the big matchup against the Williams sisters in the
Oreo Double Stuf Racing League. Would they even be able to compete
against the Serena and Venus if they both still had football games to
prepare for? What about if only one of them was still in the
playoffs? Would there strife in the Manning household because one of
the brothers wasn't taking the DSRL seriously enough? These are the
things I think about during football games.
3:33 – LeBron James just
signed with the Cleveland Browns! (Yeah, it sounds just as stupid in
writing as it does when he said it on television. That's what I
thought.)
3:36 – McNabb had a ball over
the middle tipped sky-high, the Cardinals picked it off, then had the
ball stripped from behind by DeSean Jackson.
3:38 – The last 4 passes from
McNabb have gone like this: behind DeSean Jackson over the middle and
incomplete, interception, incomplete on a throw that went over the
wrong shoulder to Greg Lewis, and a completion on a ball that was low
and behind Hank Baskett. For all the talk of the resurgent Eagles and
McNabb proving himself after he was benched, I'm still not convinced.
The Eagles defense deserves a lot of credit (giving up no more than
14 points in the last 6 games) and Westbrook has come back healthy
and remains one of the best playmakers in football. It should be an
interesting off-season for McNabb if the Eagles lose today.
3:46 – Akers hooks a 47-yard
field goal wide right. (No good! Wide right!). The telecast then
shows Matt Leinart celebrating jumping up and down like Automatica
Gramatica. Good work, Matt.
3:48 – A sweep flea-flicker
results in another touchdown for Fitzgerald. Defenses are still
allowing Fitz to run free with single coverage. Even with the
play-fake, you have to commit more than one (stumbling) body to
Fitzgerald. But until they do, I'd love to see Warner throwing up
more jump balls and Fitzgerald doing his best Dwight Howard
imitation.
3:54 – McNabb gets sacked
after standing in the pocket and holding onto the ball for a just
under than 14 second. Luckily he gets bailed out by a holding call
away from the play. Still wondering why the second-coming of McNabb
doesn't use his legs more.
3:56 – I like the dual
running-back set that the Eagles are using. We know they don't have a
real bruising running back, but with the dual-backs (Buckhalter with
Westbrook), some of the pressure is taken off of Westbrook because
Buckhalter is very capable of carrying the ball up the middle.
4:05 – For the amount of flack I gave Axe for marketing a product that's supposed to make you smell
like chocolate, I feel like I have to come clean here. I got a can of
this stuff as a Christmas present, and it is easily one of the best
smelling body sprays. And I say this, knowing full well that I smell
like the inside of the bag of Lindt truffles when I wear it.
4:07 – Great screen by the
Cardinals where they faked the wheel-route to the running back on one
side then tossed it to the Leonard Pope on the other side. The
result? Pope had four lineman blocking in front of him and a 12-yard
gain. There is definitely more than meets the eye when it comes to
this Arizona coaching staff. Hm...
4:12 – Fitz
is single covered. Fade route. Touchdown. Seriously, what is going on
in the minds of Andy Reid and Jim Johnson? After Fitzgerald caught
two touchdown passes, and after the Cardinals threw to Fitz in single
coverage, and after they got a pass interference call on that last
play, the Eagles still give
Fitzgerald single coverage, this time with Sheldon Brown on coverage.
I guess the Eagles are thinking Fitzgerald is so completely locked in
that it doesn't matter how many they have covering him. He's like
Jordan in the Finals, Tiger on Sunday, or Scott Boras when he's
mugging an old woman for the change in her purse. You can do whatever
you like, but there's no stopping these guys.
4:20 – McNabb 2.0 sees the
blitz coming and decides to throw the ball as far away from any
receiver as possible, yet still in the field of play. Just because
the other team has a quarterback whose age, by comparison, makes you
look like a rookie, doesn't mean you should being playing like a
rookie.
4:27 – Eagles
safety Quintin Demps cheap shots Kurt Warner as he's walking down the
field following a play. That play reminded me of that scene in The
Replacements when the
replacement players decide to set the tone by going all Chuck Norris
on the pro players. It must be tough for the Eagles to play this game
knowing there's such a big disparity in talent. Also, the violence
between the two scenes was sort of similar.

4:37 – Just before the half,
Anquan Boldin did something very smart. With time winding down and
the Cardinals approaching field goal distance, Boldin caught a screen
pass near the right-hash and had two blocks in front of him. From
here, Boldin had three choices; he could either try to gain yards,
run out of bounds, or both. The first instinct here is to run out of
bounds, and try to save the clock. But with just 4 seconds on the
clock, you can't be sure that he'd make it out of bounds and have the
refs stop the clock before time ran out. Instead, Boldin, realizing
his team still had one timeout, ran straight ahead into a defender
and got tackled, and stopped the clock. Because of Boldin, the
Cardinals were able to send Neil Rackers in to extend the lead to
24-6. A smart play would have been to try and run out of bounds. The
smarter play is what Boldin did right there.
4:59 – To add onto McNabb's
very sub-par performance, Donovan gets blitzed from his blindside by
Adrian Wilson and fumbles, turning the ball over. Ball protection is
something you should be stressing to a college or rookie QB, not a
10-year veteran.
5:03 – Arizona is forced to
punt and can't take advantage of the turnover. But here's a question:
Where is Brian Dawkins? We know he's not covering Larry Fitzgerald
(because no one is), so what has he been doing all game? For someone
who was recently compared to Wolverine on NFL Live, Dawkins has been
very quiet in the first half. Big players are supposed to show up in
big games, not shy away from the limelight. This is especially
surprising considering Dawkins is the heart and soul of one of the
best defensive units in the league.
5:10 – Good
throw by McNabb to Kevin Curtis through double coverage. I wouldn't
be surprised if there was a Hollywood-caliber speech in the Eagles
locker room at halftime. But I bet it wasn't by McNabb or Dawkins. I
think it was Brian Westbrook. He may be all quiet to the media, but
when he's in that locker room, with the season on the line, he would
have that internal fire to deliver a real good pump-up speech. And
who on that team wouldn't listen to him? He's arguably their best
player with an unquestionable work ethic and commitment. He'd be like
Ivory Christian in Friday Night Lights,
a guy who was real quiet all year until he saw his last chance at a
championship slip away, and said to himself, “Not without a fight”,
and finally fires up his whole team. The Eagles ended up scoring on
this drive, then pushing the next Arizona drive back five yards, so
it seems his alleged speech work.

*Side Note – There is no limit
to the amount of money I would pay to have access to all the locker
room speeches ever made. I wouldn't watch them when I was about to
play sports or go to the gym. I'd just watch them before I run my
daily errands. To have that kind of motivation at my fingertips, I'd
never be late for a meeting or flake on a commitment ever again. It
gives me chills just thinking about it.
5:29 – McNabb just threw
another touchdown pass to his tight end Brent Celek, making the score
19-24 in favor of Arizona. A few notable things from that play:



  1. On the scoring play, with Celek
    well on his way into the endzone, Hank Baskett curled back and
    literally blew up both Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie and a Cardinal
    linebacker on a strong (but clean) block. I like the physical
    attitude that the Eagles are playing with, and right now it seems
    like the Cardinals are knocked on their ass by it, both physically
    and mentally.



  2. As the Eagles celebrated around
    Brent Celek, Celek and another Eagles player literally “Eiffel Tower-ed” a referee, as the two high-fived with a referee helpless
    trapped between them. It probably deserved a flag for excessive
    celebration, but I bet the referee didn't want to draw any more
    attention to what just happened to him.



  3. David Akers missed the extra
    point! Never mind that the Eagles probably should have gone for two
    instead of one, Akers' kicking game is absolutely miserable right
    now. Can the Eagles bench him, in an attempt to fire him up? Maybe
    then he'll come back and make bad throws to receivers but take
    credit for stellar performances by his team's defense. That's the
    Eagles formula for winning isn't it?
5:38 – Brian Dawkins! Finally he makes a play, this time on rookie phenom (read: overrated) Tim Hightower. On the very next play, Warner throws incomplete and the Cardinals have to punt. The Cardinals look very rattled right now. It's looking like this game will come down to who can overcome their own mistakes. Can Arizona hang onto a game which should have been well in hand by halftime, or will Philly overcome McNabb's shaky first half and shoddy secondary play? We'll find out soon!
5:44 – Touchdown Iggles! DeSean Jackson makes a catch a-la Torry Holt for the score. After they go for two and miss, the Eagles are up by one. If Cardinals lose this game, where does this game fall in terms of greatest NFL playoff chokes? The Cardinals should have been able to punch their ticket to Miami, but instead let the Eagles back into the game. History will be nice to the Cards and let them forget this game, because they were such big underdogs going into the game, but really this would be a pretty historic loss for Arizona if it ends up that way.
5:56 – The replay of the last play shows a nice shot of Asante Samuel's butt crack. Wonderful.
5:59 – In the commercial for Guitar Hero with Heidi Klum, she makes absolutely no effort to pretend like she's playing the guitar-controller. Whoever the director of this commercial was, I'm sure he was too distracted by her body to care what she did with the guitar. I'm not calling out the director, because I would be distracted, too. It's just another example of why gender inequality may actually be working in favor of women.
6:01 – I was about to complain about how the Cardinals have abandoned throwing to Larry Fitz, despite receiving single coverage, but they proved me wrong (again) by scoring a TD plus the two-pointer. Touche Cardinals. Cardinals are now up by seven. These are going to be an exciting final three minutes.
6:05 – Again McNabb, with all his receivers covered, hangs onto the ball instead of taking off with it. He knows he can make plays with his feet, and yet chooses not to. If he's saving his body for later in the season, shouldn't now be that “later in the season”, with two-plus minutes left, down by seven points in the NFC championship game?
6:09 – McNabb!!! Two more passes, two more bad balls. One was high over the middle (a ball which can get your receiver killed) on second down, and the other was a ball behind his receiver on third down (which can get your playoff hopes killed). I really wasn't expecting to harp on #5 all afternoon, but really, he is playing awful ball right now.
6:11 – The Miller Lite commercial that says “How can you watch nine hours of football this weekend? Easy! Skip the Sunday afternoon game!” just went from mildly clever to wildly inappropriate. It was kind of clever last week when there were four games on, because you'd watch nine hours by watching three games and skipping one (simple math) but now, with only two games on this weekend, the question they pose is actually a very difficult one to answer. If I wanted to watch nine hours of football this weekend, how could I? Certainly skipping one of the two games would hurt my chances of meeting my hourly football quota, not help it. Shame on Miller Lite, for making me think they knew of a way to provide us with an additional three hours of football coverage this weekend.
6:13 - 4th down... McNabb throws... incomplete! The replay shows that (in my opinion) the Cardinals got away with pass interference, but Kevin Curtis still had a very good shot at catching that ball. Congratulations are in order for the Cardinals.
6:15 – Even though the game is over, I feel like this needs to be pointed out. No one has a worse perception of what constitutes a first down than Cardinals TE Leonard Pope. On at least three separate occasions during this game, you can see Pope signaling first down on plays where he was near the first down, but clearly two feet short. I get that he's trying to sell the call, but he really looks like an idiot when everyone around him, including his teammates, is setting up for third down and he's still trying to get the first.
Cardinals 32 – Eagles 25: NFC Post-game Thoughts
McNabb really killed the Eagles today. The Eagles management needs to take a good hard look at McNabb and consider his status for the future. I'd looking to the draft to replace McNabb, because Kolb is not the answer. The Eagles have a lot of the pieces in place (strong defense, dynamic running back, capable receivers), and maybe all they need is a change at the helm.
Whoever wins the Steelers/Ravens game, the line for the Super Bowl should be either even or in-favor of the Cardinals. The Cardinals were four-point dogs to the Eagles in this game, after being 10-point unders against the Panthers. They trounced the Panthers, and beat the Eagles in a game that never should have been that close. The only way I give points to the AFC is if the Steelers win, and even then maybe only two or three. The Cardinals look that good right now.
Looking back on the Eagles/Cardinals game, everyone thought this game was over by halftime, and I think this got inside the heads of the Cardinal's players. They came out very very flat in the second half and let the Eagles back into the game. Teams like playing the underdog card, which the Cardinals deserve to play, but I think after handling the Eagles for two quarters, the Cardinals let themselves relax. If they get the lead in the Super Bowl, don't expect that to happen again.
They need to stop doing post-game interviews with the most emotional guys on the field. After the Cardinals big win, the on-field reporter tried to get an interview out of Adrian Wilson, the longest-tenured Cardinal. Wilson was so emotional that he couldn't really muster up too many words, which made for some very awkward on-air silence. I doubt that they'll ever stop doing these interview, but anything is possiblllllllleeee!
Congratulations to the Arizona Cardinals! If you win one more game, you can have your own personalized Sports Illustrated commercial. Now I get to watch my boy Ed Reed show the Steelers what's what. Or maybe man Hines Ward will show him how it's done! (Ah, I hate myself already!) Next week, why I hate Rick Reilly.
*Editor's Note – I wrote this article while watching Sunday's Eagles-Cardinals game, and edited it aesthetically afterwards. All comments were made at the time of, but most were edited later so that you wouldn't be reading chicken scratch. Thanks for reading!

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1/2/09

2008: The Year That Was


Happy new years to all the faithful reader out there. I couldn't let 2008 go by without recapping everything that happened. Some say it was the greatest year in sports ever, maybe. That's quite a profound statement to make, though. Either way, it certainly was a great one with ups and downs and everything in between. So read up, and see who won what in 2008.

(A moment of your time to plug this column) 
2008 saw the beginning of this column, and hopefully in 2009 we'll see this column sprout some wings and take off. If you've enjoyed the articles and the posts, spread the word. Email the page, tell people about it, do whatever. Also, following the blog (through email subscription is the best), and commenting on the blog lets me know what you like and don't like. But most importantly, thanks for your readership. But enough about me.
 
Innovation of the Year
Runner-Up: The Uno
It's described as a one-wheeled motorcycle (“uno” roughly translates to “one” from Spanish) that might change the future of transportation, when in fact it has two wheels and hasn't made it over speeds of 15 mph. But the real reason it makes this list is because it looks so eerily similar to this mode of transportation.
Winner: The Wildcat Formation
The Dolphins came into 2008 having gone 1-15 and nearly no expectations for this year. But when they realized Chad Pennington had the same arm strength as anyone else on the team, they decided to get creative and we were introduced to the Wildcat at the NFL level. Not only did the Wildcat help springboard the Dolphins into the playoffs, but it also meant this man might actually get another shot in the NFL.
Storyline of the Year
Runner-Up: Summerville High School Basketball Team
I first heard this story as an Outside the Lines report on Sportscenter. You can find it on Youtube in two parts here and here. The story is just begging to be made into a movie. It's like Coach Carter and Glory Road had a baby while on emotional steroids. But in all seriousness, watch it and you might just cry non-stop, except for the ten or so seconds where you need to go from part one to two.
Winner: Michael Phelps going for 8 Golds in Beijing
Sure, we all know by now that Phelps did it. But on August 8 during the opening ceremonies, no one knew if he could defeat the record set by the man with one the world's greatest mustache. Then we saw how dominant he was, and just when we thought Phelps winning eight was a given and that the real question would be if he could win eight AND set eight new world records, we get treated with this doozie of a finish. Easily some of the most exciting moments of the summer. Now the only question is how he'll do in London in three-plus years. 
Scandal of the Year
Runner-Up: Male Politicians
To be fair, not all of them were naughty this year, but three come to mind that really lit-up the news feed for poor behavior this year. Eliot Spitzer, John Edwards, and Rod Blagojevich should all be happy that 2008 is in the past. First, Spitzer's prostitution controversy (and great headlines like this one) became so widespread it became the premise of the Law and Order season finale, then we find out Edwards had been cheating on his wife (who is sick with cancer), and finally Illinois Governor Blagojevich tries to sell the vacated seat of President-elect Barack “The Rock” Obama to the highest bidder. These bad apples were almost enough to make us forget about one of the greatest Presidential races in recent memory. Almost, but not quite.
Winner: China
Maybe the biggest question heading into the 29th Olympiad, aside from how quickly Phelps could film a Rosetta-Stone commercial (less than a minute!) was if China could clean up their act in time to play host for best athletes in the world. No one could have predicted the absurd stories that would come up over the next 17 days. China couldn't even get out of the $300 million opening ceremonies scot free. There was the uneasy flexing of China's manpower muscles with their version of a drumline, then the “theatrical animation” (read: fake) walking fireworks through the city of Beijing, and then China showed the world what they do to ugly children when they went all Wife Swap on us with the singing girl and another prettier girl. Then the games started, and we find out a number of China's gymnasts may or may not have been of age to compete. I think it was this girl or maybe this girl. It was so long ago I have trouble remembering now.
Team of the Year
Runner-Up: The Housing Lenders
I'm grouping together all the banks that gave out bad loans, the insurances corporations (think AIG), and Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac because together, as a team, they sent America into the worst financial tailspin since the Great Depression. If I'm Jerry Jones, I hire all those guys as “special assistants” for the Cowboys to teach my players the benefits of teamwork.
Winner: Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Lose a prefix, gain a pennant. Yes, I know that they dropped the “devil” in their name, but I hear that every time they hear themselves referenced in the media as the “Devil Rays” they send out a letter requesting that that media source refer to them as the Rays. If I get that letter in the mail, 1) I'll feel good knowing the Devil Rays consider me as a member of “the media” and 2) I will, within seconds of opening the letter, scan and post that letter to this column.
Punchline of the Year
Runner-Up: The $700 Billion Bailout
In 2008, how many times do you think you've heard the bailout used as a joke for anything, from the Yankees to the Detroit Lions to every Top 10 on Letterman, since the bailout passed? Not sure? Probably about 700 billion times. (Ba-Zing!)
Winner: Barry Bonds
Apparently Barry Bonds still believes he can get a job with a major league team. I use the word “apparently” because despite all the negativity surrounding Barry Bonds and all the media circus he would bring with him to any team (and the ridiculous rocks it would take for an owner or GM to sign him), ESPN still decides to run him on the Bottom Line and their list top stories. I wonder if I could tell ESPN I was still looking to be signed by a major league team and get the same media coverage. I think we have about the same chance. Also, this man is looking for public speaking gigs, preferably weddings. 
Ass of the Year
Runner-Up: Al Davis
One of the biggest flaws in today's NFL is that there are no checks and balances for owners in the league. The NFL is run like a mini-government, but the owners have near ultimate control over their own teams, especially when it comes to the coaching staff and non-player personnel. It's too bad because you end up with good coaches (Mike Shanahan, Eric Mangini, Rod Marinelli) getting fired while bad owners keep their jobs and continue to make bad mistakes. None were worse this year than the way Grim Reaper-in training Al Davis fired Lane Kiffin, then lambasted him on Sportscenter. Doing that interview with Davis must have been one of Trey Wingo's top ten worst TV experiences. The look on his face was a cross between the first time someone watches 2 Girls 1 Cup and when someone finds out this guy was just in the bathroom stall before you.
Winner: Brett Favre
In 2008, Brett Favre has personally burned the following people: The Packers organization, the Packers fan base, the Jets fan base, the Jets players, Patriots fan base, and the couple from Florida who named their twins Brett and Favre. I'm glad someone on the Jets finally spoke out about how bad Favre was playing. No other player, at any other position, would still be on the field after consistently making that many turnovers over so many games. How quickly would Reggie Bush or Adrian Peterson be taken out of the game if he fumbled and turned over the ball three times a game over the last three weeks of the season?
Letdown of the Year
Runner-Up: Big Brown's Trainer Rick Dutrow
When describing his horse's chances of winning the Belmont Stakes and consequently the Triple Crown, we were treated to such memorable quotes as, “I feel like it's a foregone conclusion”, and “It's even possible that the couple of days [he missed] will work to our advantage,” and even, “I like my horses chances in the water against the Phelps guy.” Hm...
Winner: Chicago Cubs
After the Red Sox and White Sox both broke their curses before their 100th anniversaries, every Cubs fan must have thought this really was their year. The Cubs may even have thought it too, after they stormed out of the gate, through the season, and into the playoffs with the best record in the NL. But then they disappeared in the playoffs. I can't remember the last time I saw a team come out so flat with so much riding on their performance. Perhaps thinking that this was the BCS and finishing with the best record meant you were automatically in the World Series. Oops.
Underrated Story of the Year
Winner: The US Ryder Cup Team
After the euphoric high of the US Open and the news of Tiger's injuries, it seemed like America had had its share of golf. Lost in the wake of this was the bi-annual Ryder Cup tournament. The big news was that Tiger wasn't there, but the real story was because of his absence, the US team could finally gel to become a real team and win for the first time since 1999. Led by Paul Azinger and a mix of veterans like Phil Mickelson and Stewart Cink, and then virtual unknowns like Bubba Watson and (ahem) Anthony Kim, the US finally brought back the trophy in the greatest moment in American history since Joey Chestnut first beat Kobayashi back in 2007.
Performance of the Year
Runner-Up: Randy Pausch's Last Lecture Speech
So the well-read followers (or those who check Wikipedia) may know that Randy Pausch delivered the famous “Last Lecture” speech in September 2007. But still, Pausch passed away in 2008 (and I didn't find out about the speech until this summer) so I'm putting him in this year. Not much else I can say about the speech that hasn't already been said. Watch it here on Youtube.
Winner: Tiger Woods at the U.S. Open
The box score at the end of the third round showed Tiger in the lead at -3, but it didn't show it took Tiger two eagles and a birdie to get there. Then it took a swirling put on the 72nd hole to force Rocco Mediate to a 18-hole playoff, and the rest is vintage Tiger. (If I had a separate category for it, I'd give Mediate the award for “Least chance of winning despite holding a lead”. He'd be right up there with The Mets anytime they turned it over to the bullpen and the Buffalo Bills in any game they held a lead at one point). As if the golf itself wasn't good enough, we later find out Tiger played the tournament struggling a bum leg, bum knee, Evian bird flu, and whatever disease Benjamin Button has. Remarkable.
Game of the Year
Runner-Up: World Series Game 5
Bud Selig must really enjoy the spotlight. In 2002 he cemented the MLB All-Star game's reputation as meaningless when he called the game in the 11th inning as a tie. Then with the Philadelphia Phillies a win away from clinching the World Series, Selig allows play to continue through weather not seen since the Perfect Storm, until finally suspending play when the Rays tie the game The game would be restarted 2 days later. Playing a mini-3 ½ inning game was cool, but my only question for Bud Selig is this: If he knew he wasn't going to call the game early and award the game to either team, why did he wait for Philly to blow its lead and let the Tampa Bay Devil Rays (there it is again!) tie it up? I can understand not wanting to end a World Series because of rain, but Cole Hamels must have felt slighted when they finally stopped play. All was made good though as Philly ended up winning the game and the series.
Winner: Federer vs. Nadal at Wimbledon
Every sport has a few stars, which hopefully develop into rivalries, that will impact the younger generation of the time and get them hooked on a sport. Basketball had it back in the 80s with the Celtics-Lakers rivalry fueled by Bird vs. Magic. Baseball always has Boston-New York, and hockey is hoping that Crosby-Ovechkin will materialize into something good. Federer-Nadal is one of those rivalries that can springboard the popularity of a sport, and especially when they play each other in such epic fashion. Just when it looked like Rafa would beat Federer easily in three sets, we realize why Federer was ranked #1 for 237 consecutive weeks and he battles back to a fifth set (with two tiebreak sets!) and it all culminated in classic win-by-two fifth set. I don't care whether you consider yourself a fan of tennis or not. If you're a fan of sports, you have to be able appreciate the magnitude of that match. 
Biggest Question Mark for 2009
Winner: What will happen to the superstars in 2009?
Can Sydney Crosby and LeBron James become to the new Gretzky and MJ of their leagues by winning a championship? Can Peyton and Eli carry their teams through the playoffs and doom us with an all-Manning Super Bowl, which will likely destroy all television sets just days before the transition to DTV (Get ready! The DTV-transition happens on February 17, 2009!). Will Tom Brady or Tiger Woods recover from their season-ending injuries and return to their all-world form? Who will make more public appearances this year: Michael Phelps or Miley Cyrus? Will the writers of Lost really pull a fast one on us and end the series saying it was all just a dream Jack had while sleeping on an otherwise ordinary plane ride? All that and more in 2009!


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