12/24/08

Show Some Love

Why I want the Dolphins to make the playoffs
I should first point out that I am a Patriots fan. (Readers: Booooo) Ok. But if the Patriots can’t make it into the playoffs this weekend, my clear preference for AFC East winner would be the Miami Dolphins.

If the Dolphins beat the Jets this week in the Meadowlands, it would be a great thing for the NFL. Why? Because it means that parity in the league really does exist, and that every year is truly a new year for teams (I’m looking at you, Detroit Lions). The Dolphins had just 1 win last year, then made a few smart moves, and now they control their own destiny into the playoffs. You can say they’re doing it with a gimmick offense, and a QB with less pop in his arm than a Red Ryder BB gun, and with a cupcake schedule, but they are doing it.

The Lions aren’t as bad as they seem. It’d be one thing if they phoned in every game after going 0-10 and then finished the season at (likely) 0-16. But they’ve played hard every week. They gave the Colts, who may be one of the most dangerous teams in January, a tie ballgame into the 4th quarter. This team also has some talent too, even if most of it is concentrated in the body of Calvin Johnson. But if a 1-15 team can make the playoffs a season later, who’s to say that a 0-16 team can’t?

Headline: “Guns Found At Burress’ Home”

How is this news? No one is denying that Plax had guns. The evidence is lodged somewhere near his femur. So it’s pretty obvious that he would have guns in his home… right? Obvious enough that it shouldn’t be headline news. Just keep a lookout for this headline next: “Christmas 08; Presents, Ornaments Found Lying Near Trees”.

“Those damn Yankees!”

That quote was uttered by Angels OF Torri Hunter, as well as millions of Red Sox fans around the New England area. But people need to stop hating on the Yankees. They have the four highest paid players in the game, and that those four players’ salaries could pay for the payrolls several small market teams and GDP of a small country. But what is lost in the Yankee-bashing is that they’re payroll is actually under what it was last year. Th Bronx Bombers shed $85 million in payroll this off-season. Even with the big signings so far, if they stopped spending now they’d be penny-pinching compared to last year.

And while they Yankees are buying all the Christmas presents for Scott Boras’ extended family, it seems the Rays aren’t going to be bothered by the rah-rah going on in NY, probably because they’re too busy making their team better as well. The Rays signed reliever Joe Nelson for a frugal $1.3 million. I had never heard of him before the signing, but with a 2.0 ERA and 60 strikeouts over 54 innings, I’d guess that he was cut from the same cloth as Grant Balfour and J.P Howell. Pitchers who no one has really heard of, until they beat out both Goliath and Godzilla in a Japanese-biblical battle for the AL East.
Say as much as you want about the Yankees, but I want to know how the Rays keep getting these bargains on some of the best talent in the league.

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12/14/08

'Tis the Season

“Tis the Season to be jolly, fa la la la la, la la la.” Indeed. But what else is this the season for? It is the greatest time of year, where we are blessed (or, according to some, cursed) with a month of parties, music, and genuinely kind spirits. But not everyone enjoys wearing their gay apparel. Even in this most wonderful time of the year, there is always room for a scrooge or two. So what else can we expect going into the final two weeks of the holiday season? Well, 'tis the season for:

Bad Free Agent Signings

I was working on an article earlier in the week but never got a chance to finish it. The article talked about the MLB free-agent class and how I felt the Yankees were making a big mistake throwing such a big pile of cash at C.C. Sabathia and AJ Burnett. The Sabathia signing isn't terrible, though he's a hoss and will help the Yankees at the top-end of their rotation, I don't think he'll be the shutdown starter he was with the Brewers. I also wrote that AJ Burnett would turn into this decade's Mike Hampton. Burnett always manages to get big free-agent contracts, despite a history of arm issues. AJ likes to pitch when it matters most to him (contract years) and then remarkably will have trouble staying on the mound after signing his name on the dotted line. Burnett has only pitched two full seasons in his career, both coming in contract years. He had good enough stuff to be the ace on any pitching staff in the league, but I question his competitiveness. It's tough to want to keep your body in good enough shape to pitch a complete season year in and year out, and it's much easier to only do it for one year and then get paid. Burnett has even earned a reputation around the league for only pitching if he feels he's at 100%, rather than trying to gut out a start or two. No one knows for sure if he really is dogging it in the middle of his contract. But it sure looks like it. We'll find out in July when he's either pitching in a rotation behind (or even ahead) of Sabathia, or if he's riding the pine because of a “bum” arm.

The Holiday Revolving Door Theory (HRD)

Robert from Cambridge, MA notes: If they leave the food out at holiday parties, there's a tendency for people to go through the courses of food, almost like a revolving door. When everyone is there, you start with the appetizers and hors d'oeuvres, then the main courses, then the cakes and desserts. But as a few people start to leave, you go back and get at the appetizers again, and as the party is really thinning out, you find yourself picking at the chicken wings and brownies, like a revolving door..

Robert is 100% right about this. The revolving door concept continues until one of two things happens: either they run out of food or you leave the party. But we can go one step further and say that the HRD continues into the following days for the host of the party, as noted when they spend the following Sunday watching football and eating nothing but reheated crab cakes and quiche bites.

The Return of Team Obliterator

This time it was supposed to be different. This time he was supposed to be alright. There was an owner that understood what it was like to be a hot shot. There was a quarterback that stroked his ego, even before he became a starter. But it's like an unstoppable force. Sometimes you see it coming, other times you don't. It doesn't matter though when you're dealing with T.O., Team Obliterator.

After nearly three seasons, TO has finally returned to his old self and started an apparent war of words with All-Pro Tight End Jason Witten. He's even said that Witten and Tony Romo have been having secret meetings, meetings where they come up with plays specifically to take TO out of the picture. Some say it's sad how TO can't seem to get along with any of his quarterbacks. Just a few months after crying in defense of Romo after the Cowboys lost to the Giants, TO is fed up once again.

People have been quick to vilify Owens, as someone who just wants the ball and would rather have a JUGS machine pointed in his direction for QB. I don't see it that way. TO is just insecure about himself, and has been ever since he entered the league. Owens is a player who cares for the game. He wants to do well, and he wants to be great. Everyone remembers him crying after losing to the Giants (some question the authenticity of his tears) but not as many people remember when Owens cried on field after making “The Catch II” to beat the Packers when he was still with the 49ers. Since then, Owens has only wanted to prove himself and solidify his elite status in the NFL. In Philadelphia, TO wanted that one huge, mega-contract that would show the league that he was one of the top receivers. He never got that contract, and all the controversy in Philly arose after management denied him of that contract, even after his gutsy performance in Super Bowl XXXIX.

In Dallas, TO just wants to win. Maybe he truly believes that with the ball in his hands, he can help the team win. But he does know that if he doesn't get the ball, he can't help the team. It's a helpless feeling as a receiver, because you can do everything right and still not get the chance to help your team. Maybe he's not going about it in the most politically-correct way, but at least we know that TO cares. Or maybe he's just faking it. Some people like to stir the pot, I guess?

Holiday Advice – Cologne/Perfume Gifts

If you were planning on buying a significant someone perfume or cologne, I advise you to proceed with caution toward scents that try too hard to smell like food. I bring this up because it is the the time for gift-giving and sometimes we find ourselves stuck without a gift to give, and sometimes we see a certain body-spray commercial featuring a chocolate man being molested by women, and sometimes we think, “Hey that's a good idea!” It makes sense, because you want to smell good, and you know that food smells good, so the obvious choice would be food-scented cologne, right? Especially when real colognes and perfumes have confusing scents like balsam, forest citrus, amber, and sandalwood (to name a few), food seems like a great, simple alternative that everyone will like. But you're about to cross a very thin line, and you need to ask yourself, “Am I ready to walk out the door smelling like a chocolate cake?” Most people would answer no.

Another HeisMan

Congratulations to Sam Bradford of Oklahoma who won the Heisman award last night. This meant that Tim Tebow did not win his second Heisman, but more importantly, it meant that Archie Griffin is still the only player in history to win the award twice. I'm sure somewhere last night, Griffin popped some champagne after having the most credible threat at his record since Matt Leinart came close in 2005. I wonder if there's a secret club where record holders can celebrate keeping their records intact. A place where Griffin and the '72 Dolphins go to celebrate when there's a new Heisman winner or when the last undefeated team finally loses.. If a place like this were real, would athletes with negative accomplishments be allowed in? Like, would the '76 Buccaneers go there and watch every Lions game this year, with champagne chilling nearby, hoping against hope that the Lions get a W?

Travel Woes

With the wonderful winter weather comes the troublesome winter weather. For every wispy snowflake we see falling outside our windows, there's a blistering snowstorm knocking out someone's travel plans. I recently had the pleasure of flying to Boston during the tail end of a nasty ice storm, and realized my flight to LaGuardia was delayed by a solid two hours. I was lucky enough to charm my way into a flight going to DC while the people before and after me were stuck waiting for LaGuardia to clear up. When it comes to traveling, it bewilders how much we put up with when we choose to fly. The amount of wasted time while flying is unfathomable. On a direct three-hour flight, you could easily be spending just as much time being idle as you are actually flying. It makes you wonder if the airlines are in violation of the antitrust laws that try to fight  monopolies and price-gouging. But instead of price-gouging, the airlines have teamed up and decided to make flying as aggravating as possible, knowing that in most cases, we have no other alternative. PEBO Barack Obama needs to sign an 21st century Sherman Act to save us from these rogue airlines.

The NBA Axe To Start Falling

The NBA season is a little more than a quarter over and teams are starting to separate themselves from the top and bottom. The Celtics, Lakers and Cavs are all showing they'll be trouble for someone in the playoffs. But for every contender, there are the disappointments around the league. Philadelphia, after having successfully swindled Elton Brand out of a dynamic duo with Baron Davis in LA, have already fired their head coach Maurice Cheeks. Here are 4 other disappointments so far:

1.Oklahoma City Thunder – More like Oklahoma City Blunders! (Ha!) But seriously. With just 2 wins, they are the bizarro-Celtics, exactly mirroring their win-loss record . Ex-Sonic fans can at least take solace in knowing they don't have to deal with this atrocious team.
2.Washington Wizards – After spending bailout-type dollars to resign Caron Butler and Gilbert Arenas, the Wiz are are just 4-17 and in the Eastern Conference cellar.
3.Minnesota Timberwolves – Who would've thought that a team with the leadership of veterans like Sebestian Telfair and proven-winner Mark Madsen would be struggling so much.
4.Scramento Kings – Vlade Divac and Chris Webber never looked so good.

Holiday Advice - Tip the Mailman

I recently came across a pretty heated discussion about whether or not mailmen deserve a tip during the holiday season. One side said that a small monetary gift, either cash or a gift card between $10-25 was appropriate, while the other side argued that tipping is overrated, and people shouldn't get paid just for doing their job. Here's my take on the matter: Mailmen are in a service business, and these are the people who handle your taxes, paychecks, bills, bank statements, packages, and personal letters. These people also do these routes every day, and they will remember who stiffs them during the holiday season and who was particularly generous. A small tip could mean the difference between the mailman who “accidently” leaves it in the mailbox down the street, or the mailman who decides to deliver your mail even if you forgot to shovel out your mailbox again. The mail isn't something you really want to mess with, and your mailman can mess with it better than anyone can fix it. So tip the mailman.

More BCS Ball-busting

If things work out the way the BCS people want it to, either Oklahoma or Florida will blow the other out, and we will have a clear national champion. The flip side of this is if everything goes wrong. If Oklahoma and Florida duel it out to a close, low-scoring game, and Texas destroys Ohio State in the Fiesta Bowl, there's a very good chance that we have co-national champions, and then all the hoopla about a playoff system will startup again (maybe more legislation on the issue). However unlikely, I'm just saying it could happen.



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